our Home : a school for learning

Our home: A school for learning
None but a mule denies his family: ( Syrian proverb)
BY: showkat shafi

Being a student of non verbal communication , has taught me to be a good observer. My interest in man watching grew when I at 14 and as I read Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Canon Doyle a great book which teaches you a great deal how you can observe while you see things and men around, my eyes opened to a new world of observation. . .
All through, I have observed children while in my home, relatives or friends place a question as to who teaches the children the way they act or behave in particular contexts always chased me. This question which haunted me like passion for long has now answers for me . The answers revealed to me while I saw my two children my nephew and my niece growing around me and with me . All I believe now is that “children live what they learn”, incidentally the headline of the ever famous poem , by Dorothy Law which I will be presenting to you at the end of this write-up because I want to share with you the wisdom and thought process involved in the poem based upon the experience of the author. It sums up everything you can do to help your child to grow up in life rather than letting him just grow old.

How is it that we grow our children to be happy, stable, interesting, resilient and loving. How is it that our children tomorrow look back on their childhood as one where they feel to be blessed to have us as their parents not God Forbid vise versa where they curse us for all what wrong things they learnt from us intentionally or unintentionally .
Fundamentally, good parenting is common sense. Whenever you want your children to grow successfully, then sit and think of your past. What aspect of your life do you want to reflect in your children’s life as parent? Although, raising children is not an easy task as parents. In as much that you know that raising your children will give them a good structure in attitudes and personalities, and then it is advisable to do this good parenting with love. This will motivate your children the more to yield to the task.
For your good parenting to materialize in your children, the first thing you should do is to gradually make your children feel, think or behave in the exact way that you want. When you make your children feel, think or behave in such manner, stay away from any negativity and concentrate on positive things although, it is not an easy task. Do not insult your children so that you will not reduce their confidence. Try to set up and maintain a raising method that is of positive use when parents’ reaction is negative to children, it will instill distrust and fear in the children’s mind.
Another method you can use in good parenting is your way of communication with your children. Be positive in your mode of speaking when talking to your children. For instance, when you are disturbed in your spirit, control yourself and do not let your problem affect your children because they are not the cause. Given the present nature of my job as handling Public relations of a big institution like the university of Kashmir when even at home I would be attending a crucial assignment and my son would love to have my time or play a game on the computer I was working at , I would at times fail to understand how to handle him and sometimes out of sheer anger pack him to other room saying “ do not you know this is important “. I realized later and soon why should he know it . And I started to handle him with all care , doing the same thing but with utmost care.
Let us not degrade our children but rather create a true affirmative communication and reveal our problem to our children. Let them know that they are not the cause and counsel them on the way to behave in this situation or period so that we will not beat them. When you do this, the children will not disturb us and we will have sufficient time to think and get the solution to our problem or finish an important assignment without getting disturbed .Let our children have enough time to know us better and let us give them grace to behave as member of the family.
John halt the father of the modern home school movement, uses anecdotal observations that question assumptions about how children acquire knowledge and learning skills. First and Foremost , John Halt in his ever famous book on How children learn , believes that children are born learners and that there is a curiosity in all children that begins at birth, not when they are put in school. His observations of young children reveal that their brains are trying to make sense of the world. Children want to solve problems; they like to think. The problem is that parents and educators get in the way of this natural process by placing children in large, impersonal schools, and by teaching a meaningless curriculum in an industrial factory setting.
Holt is full of ire against parents or and even educational institutions, whom he believes actually serve as a hindrance to acquiring knowledge and learning skills. If the aim of education is to create independent thinkers, then educators must learn to refrain from “unasked teaching,” which he argues only frustrates children into believing that they are not smart enough to learn. This destructive process to Holt shatters their self esteem and extinguishes their confidence in their ability to learn for themselves and, at worst, turn them away from learning forever. The concept of self esteem is the second fundamental belief that Holt espouses. Self confidence is the key to a child’s learning. Overbearing teachers and parents, serve to create a sense of anxiety, of crushing curiosity, of making learning a painful rather than a natural and pleasurable act. Over time students come to believe that they are failures. Indeed, Holt asserts that stammering and stuttering are the consequences for some children of destroyed self esteem.
So the needs are we create a beautiful, truthful and loving atmosphere in our homes where children grow with us . Children are great imitators they learn what they live . If we speak truth , do truthful acts , solve our problems with ease and calm without letting anger and frustration overpower us , our children will learn the same . Just imagine did you take kashmiri language classess at home to teach your child the language. No , not at all . Children grasp what we speak automatically. That is why some children whose parents have grip on language , speak it refined , their children learn it that way . If it is true of acquiring language , how can it not be true of our other actions and behavior .
Having said this enjoy the essence of the poem this poem “Children Learn What They Live” By Dorothy Law.

“If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.”