The Art of Conversation , Are we losing it?

Dr . Jawad Rasool

Consultant Physician & Gastroenterologist 

Saint Vincent s University Hospital Dublin Ireland 

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The art of conversation is a crucial aspect of our daily lives, affecting the quality of our relationships, our personal growth and development. Even it affects our ability to understand and connect with others.

Let’s start with a couple of questions to reflect on our interactions ;

1. When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with someone?2. Were you able to have an impactful conversation, or you felt something was missing?The art of conversation is an extensive topic, and many writers have described it in various styles. However, this article will discuss the definition, why good conversation is essential, the key elements and challenges of good conversation, and some tips to overcome those challenges. What is the art of conversation?  There are many definitions in the literature. One way to describe it is that it’s a set of skills, techniques, and attitudes that leads to effective, meaningful, and enjoyable exchanges of information and ideas. It involves active listening, clear and concise communication, respect and empathy, and open-mindedness and curiosity. The art of conversation is not just about exchanging words but fostering connection, understanding, and growth.

Why is quality conversation essential? It has many benefits for our physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. Three important ones are ;

1. Good conversation allows individuals to connect with others, share ideas and experiences, and feel heard and understood.

2. It also helps to build trust and strengthen relationships, leading to a greater sense of community and connection.

3. A good conversation can also promote understanding and tolerance between individuals, which is the need of the hour in this volatile, unstable, and fast-changing world.

By engaging in open-minded and curious dialogue, individuals can learn about different perspectives and experiences and gain a deeper understanding of the experiences and beliefs of others. This tolerance can lead to increased empathy and a greater appreciation for diversity and individuality.

The Elements of good conversation:

In addition to being precise and clear, the following are three critical elements of good conversation;
1. Active Listening: This is the most crucial element of a good conversation. It involves paying attention to the speaker, showing interest in their words, and avoiding distractions. Active listening promotes understanding and fosters empathy between individuals.

2. Respect and Empathy: This promotes understanding, builds trust, and fosters positive relationships. Empathy involves understanding the perspectives and experiences of others and avoiding judgment or criticism.

3. Open-Mindedness and Curiosity: This promotes exploration, encourages learning, and broadens perspectives. This element involves being open to new ideas and experiences and helps better understand the views and experiences of others.

The challenges to have a  good conversation

There are multiple challenges to making a quality conversation. Some examples include    distractions like phones, lack of empathy and active listening, emotional reactivity, and communication barriers due to language and cultural differences.

1. Distraction due to Social media use during conversation is a significant conversation killer nowadays, giving the impression of disinterest. Many people have the habit of posting, commenting, and reviewing posts on social media in the middle of a conversation. This distraction destroys the flow of a good conversation. 

2. Emotional reactivity: Strong emotions, such as anger or frustration, can cause individuals to become reactive, leading to defensiveness, criticism, or other negative behaviors that can hinder the conversation.

3. Cultural differences: Since the world has become a global village, it is imperative to be aware of and understand the values and beliefs of others based on their culture. For example, wearing a hijab can be sacred in one culture. It can be considered a sign of oppression in another culture.

 How to overcome the Challenges in the conversation ?

The first step will be self-reflection and turning the mirror inwards. 

There are many tips mentioned in the literature by experts. The following three resonated with me the most ;

1. ‘Listen to understand, not to reply ‘( Ted talk by Celeste Headlee ). As Mr. Stephen Covey said, ‘most of us don’t listen with the intent to understand; we listen with the intent to reply.’

2. ‘ Seek first to understand, then to be understood’ ( Stephen covey,7 habits of highly Effective people ). It brings us back to the respect and empathy element of good conversation.

3. Convert your reaction into a response; For example, if someone comments against your religious or political belief, your natural reaction can be ‘fight or flight.’ Instead of giving a reaction, if you manage your emotions well, weigh the pros and cons, and provide discerned and measured reply using reasoning and logic, that becomes your response. The response instead of reaction will help to keep the conversation calm and constructive.

Conclusion The importance of good conversation cannot be overstated, and we hope this article has encouraged readers to reflect on the role that conversation plays in their daily lives. We encourage all individuals to practice the art of conversation, actively engage in meaningful conversations with others, and strive to improve their communication skills continuously.

After reading this article, what will it be if you consider changing one thing in your conversation style? 

References :

1. How to have a good conversation . Ted talk by Celeste Headlee.

(https://youtu.be/H6n3iNh4XLI)

2. Covey, S. R. (2004). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Restoring the character ethic ([Rev. ed.].). Free Press.  https://ati.dae.gov.in/ati12052021_1.pdf

3. “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High” by Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

4. Conversation: A history of a declining art by Stephen Miller 

5. Von Krogh, Georg, and Johan Roos. “Conversation Management for.” Managing Knowledge: Perspectives on Cooperation and Competition (1996): 218.

 Communication Barriers – Principles of Management   ; https://open.lib.umn.edu › principles management › chapter   

7.   Barriers to Effective Communication , https://www.southampton.ac.uk › ~assets › doc

8. Language Barriers to effective communication ; https://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa? id=27962177008

9. Barrier to effective communication by Dr Radhika Kapur ; https://leverageedu.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Barriers-of-Communication-Notes.pdf

10. J Oncol Pract. 2007 Nov; 3(6): 314–317.Developing effective communication skills  doi: 10.1200/JOP.0766501

11. Elements of Effective Communication ; https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/234652734.pdf

12. The Elements of Effective communication https://www.researchgate.net/publication/344215245_The_Elements_of_Communication

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